The other reason that it is so hard to see her go was because on that Sunday prior to her death Emily and I were getting ready to go to Bear Lake for our vacation with my family; and we had recently returned from Oregon and had made some homemade blackberry freezer jam. We decided that we should take a container to her (she loved blackberries) and visit for a few minutes before we left town. After calling her on the phone the night before to set a time when she would be home, we went over there and she was at church. (I had miscalculated the time that she would return home). She wouldn't return home for another 30 to 45 mins so we decided to leave the Jam and a note and try to return later to visit before we left.
Well as life is, we got busy and I was in too much of a rush to go and stop by and we never got to go and say anything to her. I kick myself now for not going back and taking the time to sit and visit with her. How my heart sank when I heard that she had fallen and hit her head. The tears and the emotions I felt were too much. I wanted so much to see her face once more smile at me and say how good I looked and how proud of me she was. I wanted to let her she her granddaughter one more time. At the same time I wanted to crawl into a hole because of the guilt I felt for not staying that extra few minutes when I could have.
I am glad now that she is back with her dear husband and that they can once again embrace and be at each other's side. I have a lot of life left to live but I will cherish the day when I can see her again and tell her how sorry I am for not keeping my word and how glad I am that she got to at least hear my voice once more over the phone before she departed.
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