Monday, February 14, 2011

The Cowardly Lion of my Mind

One of the many things that I struggle with is the realtionship with my family. To make a very long story short, they just don't seem to trust me and though I am not the most perfect person they still don't give me the trust I think I deserve. Also for some reason I don't have the best relationship with my father. To be totally honest, it is like he is afraid to have a relationship with me; and although he is the owner of the company that I work for, the things that we talk about at work do not count as a personal conversation. Yes, I have made many attempts to try and make a connection with him, but it is like there is nothing there for him to be interested in. I try to talk about business and ask him questions but then we just end up talking about work and how I can be better or how I need to learn more and improve myself. All I really want is for him to ask me how I am and be interested in what I do. Even if he isn't interested, the effort makes all the difference in the world. Sometimes I think he is affraid that I will dislike him for being honest about not liking what I am interested in. When in reality I would rather have him tell me that he doesn't like or is ignorant about any of the things that I do then let me go on thinking that he just isn't interested in me. I try so hard to go out there and do what I can but the cowardly lion of my mind just gets eaten by the fear of rejection and it runs and hides for while until it can poke its head out again.